What kept me up last night (among other things)

It's been a long while since I left a post.  And I got some things on my mind that I'll be writing about soon.  Personal type things about where I find myself right now.

But for now, I just want to ask a question.  Given the millions if not billions spent by companies and advertisers to research human psychology and use that knowledge to influence us to buy crap we don't need, food that isn't healthy,  body images that are unrealistic  . . . why hasn't anyone found a way to use that knowledge to counter that influence? Use that power to influence healthy choices?  In other words, if I accept that I can be influenced to make choices that are not necessarily in my favor, why can't I use the same methods to be influenced to make good choices?

Yeah. I know.  There's no money in it.

It's Official

It's Official.

I am too fat for Wal-Mart.

NOTHING in my size.

Shit.

My dander is up

I came across a blog post, actually a comment on a blog post, that's got me rather worked up. I'll not link to either the blog or the comment simply because the author, who addressed it in another post, did not address the commenter by name. I don't know how much of a splash on the blogosphere the author would want to make. I know some of you also read her blog so you may know what I'm talking about.

The author had posted about her frustration and depression about not progressing in her weight loss. The commenter replied along the lines of exhorting her to "keep in mind how her lows affect her husband." The commenter then went on say that she needs to remember her outlook affects others and asked if she frustrates them or makes them smile.

Really? This is helpful?

I got into this emotional mess by swallowing my feelings so as to not upset others. Like most boys, I learned not to cry, not to complain, not to upset others. Put the feelings of others before your own was my upbringing. Well, just how far can I stuff my emotions down before they affect me in other ways?

The commenter really hit a sore spot and then some. Don't upset your husband? WTF? Do people really still think this way? Fuck that. I don't know where I would be without my wife helping me navigate my emotional waters. I do know she would be dead if I had refused to take on her trials alongside. For better or for worse, not for better and what's best for Him.

I followed the commenter to his own blog. On that same day he wrote asking why some people are unhappy all the time and if they would just focus on the good and count their blessing, they would be happy. Has he never dealt with depression and mental illness, if not in his own life then in the life of a loved one?

So, dear readers, I tell you this: You are the most important person in your life. You do not need to surrender your Self to appease others. Complain on your blog if you want to (I'll no longer be afraid to complain on mine). Sure, it's ok to be aware how you affect others, but don't let it stop you from doing what you need to do for YOU.

Taking care of yourself first is the only way to even begin taking care of those you love.

Things I hate

You know what I hate?  I hate it when I am smack dab right where I need to be on plan and I begin to wonder just when I'm going to fall.  I begin thinking about all the good stuff in the kitchen and ruminate about just when I'm going to cave.  It just drives itself to the front of my mind until I can't concentrate on anything else. And, finally, I give in if only to relieve myself of the burden of not knowing when I'm going to give in.  And then I start thinking, well I've blown it for today, might as well keep going.  As if there was something magical about sleeping at night and starting with a clean slate in the morning.  Before you know it, all the cereal, popcorn, granola bars, bacon, graham crackers, and chips are gone.  That's right, in a span of 20 minutes I chokedown a couple of days worth of calories and carbs.

All because I began to worry about when I was going to fail.

I hate that.