So anyway, Joy wrote this article. The upshot is to find what I really want through an exercise of asking why. For example, I want to lose weight. Why? Because I want to be healthy. Why? And so on and so on. Eventually I should get to the heart of my desire, what Joy calls the delicious core. It's a good exercise that I've done in various forms over the years. The problem is I always get stuck on the shoulds.
When I start the exercise, I begin with "I want to lose weight." Why? "Because I should." Why? "Because I should." Well....why? "Because I should."
See the problem?
I should want to be thinner, to be healthier, but I have no reason for why I should. And "should" isn't enough.
So. What do I want? I want to wear regular sized clothes. I want to be able to bend over without losing my breath. I want to run. I want to look in the mirror and feel good about myself. I want to be free of food's icy grip. I want to let food go. I want to stop feeling shame about every bite that goes in to my mouth. I want feet that don't hurt. I want knees that don't ache. I want to be happy.
...and there it is. My delicious core.
I may not get there by asking why. But I know that is my answer. When I ask myself why I want to be happy, the answer isn't "because I should." The answer is because that is what I want.
The exercise would have me go on to find ways that I could experience my delicious core. But I have no idea how to be happy. Oh I know how to fake it. But is happiness something you can create? For 41 years, those times I experience happiness is because, for that moment in time, I'm happy. It just happens. Either I am or I'm not. And, mostly, I'm not.
How does one create happiness?
I think that a lot of answers I'm seeking for the many things in my life and the many things I blog about are in the answer to that question.
Inside. One creates happiness inside. Happiness is fleeting mostly because we don't focus on it...but when we're upset/angry/sad? Oh boy do we focus on it! And what we focus on grows.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for the lovely words...
Hey Kevin! So glad Karen pointed me in the direction of this post! It was very cool to read about your process and thoughts in using this exercise.
ReplyDeleteFiguring out how to create (or maybe reveal) more of what we want in life is certainly complicated and multi-layered. At least, it was for me and it is for my clients! One thing that I find powerful is to recall one of those stand-out happy moments and notice how you felt in your physical body at the time. This may sound a little woo woo, but it's been an amazingly effective tool for me. You might notice a sensation of lightness in your chest, for example. Or a sense of relaxation in your shoulders. Or any number of other physical responses. Once you get a feel for this, you can begin to look for anything in your life - even the simplest of things - that spark that same sensation. Also notice things that diminish the sensation. Maybe you notice certain people spark it and certain people diminish it. Maybe you notice you have the sensation when you're running one day, but the next day you don't. That would be an opportunity to get really curious about what makes the difference.
My view is that we don't have to create the delicious core so much as we have to peel back layers so we see where it already exists. It's not about forcing or faking, but stepping more fully into the amazing person you already are.
Thanks a bunch for the sharing my links! I wish you much love and light on your journey!
hhmmmm
ReplyDelete^^^^ wife signed in as me...not me commenting on Karen and Joy's comments.
ReplyDeleteActually, I meant to thank the both of you for stopping by and commenting. This exercise has stuck with me. Sure, life has sent us a twist, but I keep coming back to this post and your comments for fruitful thought.