I am the Jogging Clydesdale?
No, who are you?
I am Kevin.
No, who are you?
I am...me?
You just don't quite get it.
I don't understand.
WHO ARE YOU?
I am my wife's husband.
I am my children's father.
I am a son.
I am a brother.
I am a cousin.
I am...
Who are you?
I am you. You are me.
What do you want?
I want health.
What do you want?
I want to not be fat.
What do you want?
I want to run.
I want to scream.
I want to cry. I want to do. I want to be.
I want to hide. I want to be seen.
I want to learn. I want....
Yes?
I want to love. I want to be loved.
By who?
By my family. By my friends.
And?
I want to love myself.
Why?
Because hating myself hurts too much.
There is no one crueler to me than me.
I am at the mercy of my own self.
And I can be an angry, angry man.
Why?
Because I am scared.
Of what?
I don't know.
Me?
Yes.
Why?
You are the voice in my head that tells me I am no good.
You are the thoughts that tell me I am ugly.
You are the one who convinces me I am failing.
You are my shame.
You are my anger.
You are my cruelty.
What are you going to do about it?
Forgive you.
What?
I forgive you.
I don't know why you are so angry. You scare the crap out of me
every time I look in the mirror or close my eyes.
But you cannot control me.
I forgive you. I accept that you are a part of me.
And by loving you first, maybe I will learn to finally
be me.
This is freaking brilliant!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI believe in you.
ReplyDeleteI believe in you too, Kevin. Forgive your critic when you are at your best, but shout him down when you are at your worst. You are stronger than him and we are all on YOUR side.
ReplyDeleteKevin, I am out blog hopping, in-between daycare kids and I have to tell you, this made me cry. I know you don't know me from Adam and you may never stop by to see but I have to tell you this post stopped me dead in my tracks and is making me think, a lot!! I have a feeling you have lots more to read so in the next day or two I am going to do that. I'm also going to follow you and no you don't have to follow me back, it's okay I just wanted you to know.
ReplyDeleteOff to wipe my eyes, get the kids outside and I will be back later on.
Take care Kevin and good luck on this life style change and journey. Blessings!!
Hi Julie and everyone else. This was a very difficult entry to write and it wasn't until Julie's comment before I felt like I could respond to everyone's kind response.
ReplyDeleteJulie, you are most welcome here at The Jogging Clydesdale. I'm glad something I wrote was something you found meaningful.
And thank you to everyone else. Your comments here and elsewhere in the stable are more inspiring than you could know.
TJC