Option 3

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I got out and ran today. I wish I hadn't. I really am too heavy and my ankles are screaming.

I came to a decision recently. I can wait for something to happen the rest of my life.  I can wait for something in my life to change and suddenly all this blubber will magically melt off and food will no longer have its powerful emotional connection.  But waiting isn't doing me a damn bit of good.

I could also do the hard work, count my calories, watch every morsel that passes through my gullet.  I can live my life thinking about food and making conscious decisions to limit myself.  And I can shame myself when I inevitably fail setting up another cycle of emotional sabotage.

Or, I can live my life as if I were already thin and healthy.  I can tell my body that we are where we are and I'm going to live as if we are already over there.  I have a feeling my body will come along for the ride.

I'm choosing option 3. And that's partly why I went out for a run today.  That's the sort of thing I've been waiting to be lighter to do and I have missed it.  Reality is settling in as I ice my ankles, but damn I feel good.  I will have to take it easy until reality catches up with this attitude change.  But I'm not going to stop altogether.

Having made this decision, the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee in my head is trying to veto it,  telling me that I'll treat this as carte blanche to eat what I want, when I want and eventually end up even heavier.  Not true. I will eat as if I'm already healthy and want to stay that way.  I've learned quite a bit about intuitive eating.  I have a lot to learn about emotional eating.I know this isn't a panacea.  This path will have its ups and downs, failures and successes. But I trust that this is a journey worth taking.