Stop.That's all the text message said.
It came from my daughter, 12 years old. And I didn't quite understand what she meant. She was upset that I wouldn't let her bake cookies at 10 o'clock in the evening. I figured that's why she stormed off to the basement as I made myself a snack. I could hear her whimpering.
Stop snacking. Stop going off your diet.
Did not see that one coming.
What followed is much too private to share here verbatim. I will say that she and I had a back and forth, via text, in which she shared her fears about me, about my health and well being. And in those 160 characters, those fears were visceral. The fact that she needed to physically remove herself from me in order to confront me also spoke volumes.
I was humbled.
Twelve years old.
That was Wednesday. And the texts are still haunting me. I've saved them on my phone and have already gone back to them a few times to reflect when I needed guidance; when I needed strength.
I shared the texts with my wife. She says that all three of the kids feel the same way; that they talk to her about their fears for me. That they struggle to see me make clearly bad choices. And that they are profoundly sad when they talk to her.
I tried to respond with reason. The snack I had that night was 2 string cheese sticks and a slice of bread--all within my protein and carb count for the day. I tried to respond with a plea for understanding. I've been this way a long time--I can't turn on a dime. It's going to take time. I tried to respond by illuminating my humanness--sometimes I am simply just weak willed.
It doesn't matter. Each time they see their dad eat off program, they see their dad slowly killing himself. And their love and care for me goes so deep that they need to go to the basement, cry and send a text message that says Stop.
And I am heartbroken.
Whoa...I don't blame you at all for feeling as you do. I also agree with you that having a health snack shouldn't elicit that kind of reaction from your daughter. Perhaps a family meeting is in order? One in which you all sit down and talk about it honestly and objectively?
ReplyDeleteKaren, she didn't know what I was making as a snack. All she knew was that I was in the kitchen and getting something to eat. So her reaction wasn't to what I was eating. Instead, she was reacting to just the fact I was eating.
DeleteI think I'll play it loose with the family meeting idea. I find it far better to talk with them one on one. The boy especially prefers to talk with just me and my wife. He does not open up in front of his sisters very well. But, an honest and objective talk is in order.
And, it's clear to me that it's time for me to walk the walk, 'cause I can sure talk the talk. Knowing now how close the kids are watching is more accountability than this blog, the way-ins, the group of friends I confide in, and from within put together. This has been an unexpected wake up call that I sorely needed.
You know your family well. That is a good thing :-)
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