Hold the mayo

I've been tracking my calories on livestrong.com for the last three days.  I've done this before, off and on, and never really felt any benefit in doing so.  More often than not, posting those meals brought on anxiety and shame...so I stop tracking them.

This time, however, things seem to be a small bit difference.

As I've written recently, I've plateaued around 300# for a couple of months now.  I've done my best to stay on program, stay low carb, and have exercised rather consistently (for me at least).  I knew I hadn't been on target calorie wise, but surely a little snack here and there on high protein, low/no carb can hurt, right?  Right?

I don't know, but I know where I can find out.  Last Sunday I pulled up livestrong and started entering in my food choices for the day

Well, when I finished dinner that evening, I was on track with right around 1000-1100 calories.  I was feeling good.  I felt strong.  I felt confident that I was doing well.  Then the snacking.  Cheese.  A can of tuna.  A little mayo.  Some more cheese. 

All low/no carb, so I should be fine, right?  Well, after plugging it all in, I found I had added 1200 calories.

Holy F...Cow!

Ok, so Fat Me still doesn't know what "a little" means when it comes to calorie packed foods.  I'm not sure Fat Me knows what foods are calorie packed.

Last time I played out this little exercise, it brought on a major shame cycle.  How in the world can I still be so clueless in the calories, the fats, the carbs, the proteins in what I eat after all these years?

But, as I said, this time things seem to be a little different.  No shame.  No guilt. No eye opener.  No revelation. No heavens opening up and a golden doughnut descending on a chocolate cloud. Nothing like that. 

Instead, my mind just kinda went, "oh. well that explains it."  And for the next two days, I've been using livestrong as a tool to see if I'm getting it right.  I'm not, but in just two days, I'm getting better.

Here's what I've learned so far:

• In a program that emphasizes avoidance of carbs, one must also pay attention to calories too. 
• Sour Cream is dense with calories.  
• Cheese is ridiculously dense with calories.  
• Mayonnaise is off the scale dense with calories.  
• Hamburger needs to be a once or twice a week sort of thing for protein; an exception, not the rule.
• Calories add up FAST.
• I have a snacking trigger point at around 9 PM that I need to  investigate (childhood habit? emotional connection? fear of failure?).
• And the strangest of all: I am gracious enough with myself to realize these things without judgement or shame.

Sure, I hear the Left Hand Guy saying things like "duh, you shoulda known that" and "how stupid are you?" and "you're just now figuring this out?". But, ya know what, sometimes things need to be learned and relearned many, many times. 

My relationship with food is emotional.  These facts don't speak to emotions. So LHG can just sit on it.