Turning Corners and Looking Back

Way back in September ’10, I had written a post that could arguably be my rock bottom.  We were about two months into my wife’s illness and life was just grinding me down and crushing my spirit.  I had happened across a blog by Jack Sh*t and, instead of immediately inspiring me, his blog…well…in many ways his blog took away what little wind that was left in my sails.  That post was probably the first, honest assessment of myself.  I remember the words crawling through my chest and down the underside of my arms, ripping themselves free and falling into the keyboard.  It was a painful post.

Jack picked up on it, to my surprise, and left a very encouraging comment.  He even went so far as to make our exchange a post of his own, for which I will always be grateful.  Suddenly I had so many readers—so many people visiting the stable.  I wasn’t really sure what to do with all the encouragement.

So I kept writing, making TJC something into my own personal journey rather than the exercise blog I had envisioned (where weight loss was a minor subject).  I’ve mostly shared, I think, the emotional side of my struggle which is at the heart of my growth.  Not everyone who came over from Jack’s blog stayed.  And that’s ok.  I have been quite content with the readership I have found.  And I’ve said it before, to those who have walked with me down this path for the long haul, and for the recent readers I seem to have picked up along the way, thank you.

I ran across that post while reviewing my blog and it got me thinking about where I had been and where I've gone.  

I’m back, in a significant way. Well, significant to me at least.  I’ve spent the last two weeks catching up on several blogs including Jack’s and many others who I used to follow until my depression had really taken hold and left me apathetic (It’s true.  I’m sorry. I wasn’t able to follow several of my fellow bloggers) I’ve found a few new ones too.  And I am getting inspired. And excited. Yet, I’ve also noted with some sadness that some authors have closed up shop.  

In that post, I said I wouldn’t know what I’d send to Jack for his W.I.D.T.H. program.  I think I know now.  I just recently came to this conclusion.  Since learning of my wife’s recent diagnosis, I thought it would be because of my realization that if I don’t get healthy, my kids have a slight chance of not having parents in 10-15 years.  But, as true as that insight is, it isn't the answer I finally discovered.

The real reason Why I Do This Here is much simpler than that.  And it’s something I’ve said for a long time but didn’t realize how important it had become: 

Why I Do This Here: Because I have to take care of myself before I can take care of anyone else.

Last Saturday I wrote that I feel like I’m going to turn the corner sometime soon.  I realize now that I’ve turned that corner a long time ago.