Shadow Runner

Last night I ran 3.1 miles in spite of my sloth and gluttony.  And it felt good.  I waited until late evening and nightfall came much sooner than I expected.  At about mile 2.5, I noticed my shadow stretching out in front of me by 10, 15 feet and I marveled that it seemed so graceful even as I felt every pound of blubber shake and bounce.  As I ran, noticing the times when my feet separated from my shadow, I became aware that in those moments I was flying--separated from the Earth by only a few inches but soaring nevertheless.  I saw my arms swaying in a hypnotic inducing rhythm which gave rise to an awareness of my strength and my stamina.  I saw my shoulders, broad and feeling like I had been carrying the world, but there was nothing on top but my head. My legs, lengthened by the sun behind me, pumping and carrying my shadow just ever so far in front of me that I knew I could not catch up.

August was a hell of a month.  I have watched my wife's health fail and revive, and fail again.  I have done my best in keeping my house a home for my family while tending to my wife's care. I've let my running go.  I've let my diet go.  In the heat of the craziness of trying to keep it all together, I retreated to some very self defeating practices.  In short, I ate my stress and my fears and I sat on the couch, berating myself for having fallen so far.

And yet I know that I am not alone.  My wife's parents came for two weeks to help.  My own parents taking the laundry and  occasionally the kids.  My church is bringing meals in the evening so neither I nor my wife need to think of "what's fer dinner."  My wife is back on a slow mend.  My children are safe and cared for, and warriors in thier own right in their ability to keep it together over the last month.

Some may say that chasing one's shadow is folly, but it was the most real thing I have felt in a very long time.  I felt the peace, the quiet, the grace, the strength of my shadow fall back on me.  August is over, and September stands to be a better month.