Ramble On Old Man

I turned 40 last week.

I made jokes about staying in bed all day and keeping the curtains drawn.  I told people that my kids finally stopped asking why daddy was crying around noon. To tell the truth, I had a lot of well wishers and, in general, it really wasn't a bad day.  I did nothing all day except watch my favorite DVDs and gorge myself on popcorn made in an antique stove-top popper (the only way to make real popcorn, in my book, is on the stove).  Yes, in the end, it was a good day.

But still, turning 40 wasn't fun.  I did have moments of doubt, regret and sadness.  I just don't have a handle on what being a 40 year old means.  I do see my years rushing forward to the point where I have more behind me than in front of me.

My son ran in the county fair sponsored 5K last Sunday.  I watched from the stand as he passed over the finish line with 23:49.01 on the clock.  I was so proud.  To him, though, running is something to do.  Being part of the XCountry team.  It isn't something that is a part of him.  And I can't say that it is an inner part of me yet either, but I'm getting there. I am incredibly proud of his finish.  He finished 138th out of about 470 runners.

Why am I bringing up my son?  Well, first there's the pride thing.  But it also puts some things in perspective for me.  I'm 40, not 14.  I've got a 40 year old body that I've not taken care of very well, but I know what I need to do to regain my health.  I can't run a 6 minute mile like my boy, but I can run a mile which is more than I could two years ago.  I can't compete with other runners, but I'm at an age where I don't need to.  Completing the task is reward enough.

Last night's run was awful.  With the week off and the insane amount of crap I enjoyed eating, I could really tell the difference.  I was carrying extra water in my muscles from all the carbs, my legs felt like lead, my feet hurt, it was hot, I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I didn't think I could do it.  And, to be clear, it wasn't negative talk per se--I honestly thought my body would not make it through the run.  Some runs are just like that and your body will tell you to stop.

It is week 4 of the C25K program which meant two 3 minute jogs and two 5 minute plods with walking breaks in between.  The ground was uneven in places at the park with roots and rock and I just didn't want to do it.  My wife, however, would not let me give in.  She encouraged me to keep pushing.  She believed I could do it.  And she was right.

She almost always is.

I'm sorry for this rambling post.  I've just got too much to say and don't have a nice, neat way of pulling it all together.  Life is good.  Stressful situations are coming to a close.  I will regain my health. I can do it.