"If you can move easily, your bloodwork numbers are good, and you look great, what is wrong with [being] 280 [lbs]?"
I was recently asked this as part of a much larger conversation with a very dear friend and it got me thinking.
The plain truth is, IF I were otherwise healthy, I could be happy with my weight, even if I did not look as I might want to. But I'm not healthy. I carry all my weight on my middle and apron...statistically the most unhealthy way to carry fat. My heart chamber that pumps to my body is thickening in the walls because it pushes against my blood pressure. I am a candidate for CHF and diabetes.
The biggest two struggles of the last two years has been to stay focused on gaining health rather than losing weight, followed by overcoming unhealthy relationships between emotions and food. The first gets lost in the battle, the second becomes an obsession and a source of shame.
I get the meaning, I think, of what my friend was asking. There is validity in accepting myself and my body as it is. Mrs. Clydesdale has also suggested I just stay where I'm at, which is 30 pounds less than where I started from-at least for now. But to accept this body is to accept an unhealthy one. It would be accepting a lifetime of blood pressure medicine and, eventually, cholesterol and diabetic meds. It would mean damaging my heart even more than I've done already, though the damage has been slight thus far.
I would be accepting the fact that I will be uncomfortable every time I sit for more that a few minutes as my belly gets in the way of my upper torso and my hips. It would mean being constantly constrained by clothing that is too tight across the abdomen and too loose everywhere else.
I'm not ready to accept that. But in writing this and my response to my friend, I realize that it is easy to focus on the wrong things. Weight loss has been incredibly difficult this last year. And, looking back, I've lost focus on health and instead focused on food. Most importantly, the food I could not have on this diet. It's kind of like my theme on negative thoughts. Focus in on the wrong thing and it consumes you. Focus in on the right thing and it creates you.
Have I answered the question? My weight is the witness to my real unhappiness. It is the symptom of my unhealthiness and my emotional being. Solving the weight issues does not heal these more painful aspects, but it does give me insight in how to begin.
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I encourage my clients to not focus so much on the weight, but be more focused on the body fat and the lean muscle. We do this by giving them a Body Fat Assessment. With this, we can see by inputing current weight, Body fat in lbs, lean muscle in lbs, body fat percentage, and the amount of water (hydration) they have in their body. From your tweet about not having fruit I am almost bet you are not fully hydrated. If you would like to get a Body Fat Assessment and find out where you stand with all these, I will be at The New Balance Shoe store at Heritage Square in Granger this Saturday from 12 noon to 4 Pm giving free body fat assessments.
ReplyDeleteRobert
MichianaFitness
Hi Robert and thanks for dropping by!
ReplyDeleteThe diet I am on is a medically supervised plan through Elkhart General Hospital. The first year I dropped 60+ pounds. The second year I've gained back about 30, partly due to a change in meds guaranteed to pack on pounds, partly due to an insane amount of stress and partly due to a complete halt to any kind of exercise whatsoever. However, I've never stopped going in for my weigh-ins and checkups with the nutritionists and nurse practitioners. This is a long winded set up to say that, the one thing I have made sure of for nearly two years is to drink 64 to 100 oz of water a day, usually at the upper range of that spread. This I track and am sure of. I may weaken and have carbs, or even a full out binge, but I always get my water in.
I'm actually going in for my monthly checkup today which will include a body fat assessment, but someday I would like a face to face. Hopefully at some point I'll be free for a tweetup or a race!
I wish I had known this when I was on an intense exercise regime/diet the first time around. I didn't realize that when the weight was gone, the emotional issues would still be there.
ReplyDeleteI want you to be around for a long time.