Reboot 2.0

Ok, so it's been awhile. 

It feels like the last 6 mos has lasted 6 years.  It has been a terrible time that dragged me through accusations and attacks on my integrity, destroyed friendships, feelings of betrayal and some of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make in my adult life.  It has included upheavals at work with sudden departure of my boss, uncertainty with budgets, and realizing that the whole thing is going to depend on how the management hangs together as a team.  It has meant turning to others and say "I can't make this work.  You'll have to step up and do what I can't do" and trust that they will indeed accomplish great things because I got out of the way. 

Stress for a depressed fat guy just brings on more excuses so eat and be a proverbial potato of the couch.

I've put on some weight.

But...it has also been a time of awakening--learning that when push comes to shove comes to blows, I can stand up for what is right.  It includes realizing that my wife is willing to risk a friendship to stand by her husband's unpopular decisions because she believes he is right.  It has taken me on a wild trip including a quick turn through Buddhism and learning what it really means to be mindful while realizing I don't know a damn thing about mindfulness.

I have come to the decision that life is not going to make accommodations for me.  It isn't going to let up and give me the space to take care of myself.  If I'm going to run a 5K this fall, life isn't going to make it easy to get out there to run.  It isn't going to let me lose that last 10 pounds so I can run without risking acute pain in my formally broken ankle.

So, tonight, I got out there and had a miserable 2 mile run.  Ninety degrees.  Muggy to the point of absurd.  My ankle hurt.  I couldn't breathe.  I was slow.  I was tired.  I was soaked in sweat and I was red.  It was then when I looked up and saw the most inspiring sight I've seen in what seems like ages.  Coming my way was another Clydesdale.  She was slow.  She was tired.  She was gulping for breath.  She was beet red with sweat pouring down her face.  And, when she saw me, she broke in to the biggest grin that just lifted my lagging spirit.  I knew right then I had a sister on this trip, even if she and I will never chance to meet again.

C25K, week 1, day 1.