So, last evening, there I was, nearing the end of my Couch To 5K week 1, day 2 run. It was 91 degrees out and so humid it felt like running through wet towels. I really should not have been out there running in those conditions, but the first few weeks aren't all too strenuous. My 12 yo daughter ran "with me" by which I mean when it was time to actually run, she'd take off at a pace far and above what I could attain, let alone sustain. Me? I didn't run. I didn't jog. I plodded. My other daughter, 10, also decided to run with me but really struggled in the heat. Luckily for her she could keep up with me by walking beside me as I plodded.
A couple were out biking in the subdivision coming toward us. They saw daughter #1 far ahead of me and daughter #2 walking next to me. The female half of the duo said to me, smiling as she passed, "Now that's more like my pace!"
Now, was it rude? No, not really. Was it encouraging? Not on the face of it, but I could mull it over and come to the conclusion that she was identifying with my struggle. But the truth is, it hit me the wrong way. I had already been going through the bad self talk, trashing myself for not being able to be faster. I was hot and tired. And it just seemed to me that she had actually said "You're slow. Good Lord are you slow. Honey, look at the fat man. Isn't he slow?"
It took me a fair bit of mental work and time to escape that mind space. I don't like the fact that, for most of my life, my self talk runs on the negative just like that. I am working hard at being mindful of the words I tell myself, because that is just as important as the words I tell my children, my wife, my friends. Why is it so easy to uplift and encourage others, yet so hard to give yourself such grace?
I finished the run and felt good when it was over. On the walk back home, I was stopped by our new neighbor. Actually, I should say we are his new neighbor as he's been in the subdivision far longer than we have. Very pleasant guy, he's a police office on the city force. He's one of those extroverted type of people that just makes you feel better having talked to--like nothing else is as important as you at this very moment. He's a runner too, but can't stand the heat so he's been slacking off. So we talked about running a bit, about the neighborhood a bit and we got invited to his house for the Fourth of July Cookout he and his wife puts on for the subdivision (including several hundreds of dollar's worth of fireworks!). I'm not an extrovert by nature, but I am looking forward to the party.
Go, Clydesdale! You are strong and you are brave. People say idiotic things at times (me included).
ReplyDeleteHmmmm.... I think I may have missed my mark on this post. I don't think, in the final analysis, the bike rider did say anything to take exception to. Sometimes people say insulting things without intending to. Either they don't know how they come across or are unaware of situations I might be in that makes their comment take on more meaning than intended or they really are uncouth and so on and so forth.
ReplyDeleteBut sometimes they say things that are quite innocent and the insult is completely found in my reaction. I guess what I'm saying is that, after thinking about it, I don't think she intended any slight nor should there be any there for me to find.
What I was really trying to nail down was learning that the mind space I put myself in really affects how I take the meaning of other people's comments. And I really am too hard on myself. Always have been. The comment should not have made me as angry as it did. Yet, it did and I need to figure out how to overcome that tendency.
Thanks for the comment!
Hi, it's Adrian stopping in from the buckeyeoutdoors.com blog list.
ReplyDeleteLove this post! You know, it got me thinking that it's all about your own "striving for excellence". What I mean to say, is that it isn't about how fast you or anyone else is. Running is an investment we make in ourselves for ourselves. I'm proud to be a runner and you should be too!!
We all have to work on that negative self talk thing. When someone tells you something positive about your running, hang on to it for just these occasions. I once had a friend tell me that I am "tougher than woodpecker lips". Years later, it still makes me grin during mentally challenging runs!
Thanks for dropping by Adrian! I agree 100% that this running thing is an investment in me. Running for any other reason would just be ... false. But it is equally true that the self talk can get in the way from time to time. I'm going to run tomorrow and ponder on how to become "tougher than woodpecker lips"!
ReplyDeleteI have something to say about Saints and Spinners' loyal comment. I've been pinpointing that sometimes if you are working through an issue that's left you irritated or wounded or something and you're working though it "out loud" with a friend, or in a blog, the dear ones around you might get wounded or enraged in your defense. It might be genuine or it might just be a sweet effort to show that they are on your side. What I'm finding is that I appreciate more a friend who will detachedly and practically help me see through the emotion to the facts so that I can be at peace. You did this on your own. Good for you.
ReplyDelete