Real things said to me over the
years:
- "Sometimes you just gotta celebrate" Holidays, birthdays, parties, anniversaries, weddings, straight As, concerts, births, deaths, straight Bs, the Giants winning the pennant, ...tell me when there's a week without something to celebrate.
- "You gotta take a break. If you don't every once in a while, you'll drive yourself crazy. You gotta let yourself have something you enjoy every once and a while." Well, agreed and I accept this as truth...but...first, see above. Second, let me clue you in to something. I'll overeat every time I 'take a break'. It's not a matter of having a little something that I miss. It's a matter of eating the whole box/bag/bucket of what I miss. And there is no such thing as 'every once in awhile' for someone with an unhealthy emotional attraction to food; every day is a choice between doing and not doing. So, while this bit o' advice is chock full of truthiness, it's not exactly the most helpful. What you mean is well meant, but what I hear is permission to make excuses.
- "Are you sure you want to eat that?" Um...yep. And F U for suggesting I shouldn't.
- "As you get used to eating less, your stomach will shrink and you'll feel fuller quicker." Ok, I'll grant you that I've experienced something like this in the past...but is it really my stomach shrinking...or am I just getting used to eating less? And it was never about stopping when I felt full anyway. And you're not a doctor or anything so what do you really know? Show me a peer reviewed journal article. Cosmo is not peer reviewed.
- "You should drink 3 tablespoons of vinegar before eating to shrink your stomach. You'll feel fuller faster." See above. And I'm not stupid.
- "You should eat several small meals during the day to keep your metabolism up." Dude, eating all day is part of my problem.
- "You should eat like a king in the morning, a prince at noon and a pauper in the evening." You should shut up in the morning, shut up at noon and STFU in the evening.
- "Good Lord you're fat." You're a regular Sherlock Holmes. "I'm just saying that because I love you." You're an ass. I'm just saying that because you're an ass.
- "Exercise more, eat less." Holy shit, why didn't I think of that?!?
- "When you get your blood pressure under control, you'll lose weight because your body will start working like it's supposed to." Huh?
- "Muscle weighs more than fat, so you'll gain weight before losing it when you start running." I don't think it's possible to gain 5 pounds of muscle in a week after jogging 90 minutes over three days unless I'm on 'roids.
- "Well, you can expect to gain some weight as you grow older." 120 pounds? You're a genius.
- "If you want something crunchy, you should eat celery all day long. It has negative calories because you burn more eating it than what's in it in the first place." Let me let you in on something. Celery sucks. It's crunchy, but not potato chip crunchy. And it doesn't come with Cheezy Poof dust. It's bland. I'd have to eat a ton to see any real gain from that 'negative calorie' thingy. And I'm not going to eat a ton of celery. No I'm not going to spread peanut butter on it. It is simply the most unsatisfying 'snack food' there is and it leaves me wanting something else even more than if I just simply went without. YMMV. And stop shouldning on me.
- "You should throw away all your fat clothes, then you'll have to lose weight." You're logic is impeccable, captain.
- "Do you really think you should eat those fries?" said an elderly woman to me in a McDonalds. Really? The fries were my daughters'. That's right, plural possessive. They were splitting an order. I had a cheeseburger with no bun and nothing else. I'm getting mad just remembering it.
- "One bite won't hurt." Do you go to AA meetings and tell them that one drink won't hurt? You do? You're a good person.
- "You should eat [insert current food fad here] to keep your metabolism up." I don't think you have an effin' clue what you're talking about. Put that Cosmo down. And the drink too.
- "You shouldn't feel bad for being big. You're just as God made you. Most fat people seem so jolly." [speechless]
What are your snippets of
received "wisdom" from well meaning yet patronizing, condescending, clueless and sometimes arrogant friends, family and strangers?
I love this and it is so true! Other favorites are when they tell you what you're doing (that's WORKING) is all wrong OR when they see you're making progress and want to tell you all about this other thing you should try that totally worked for their best friend's cousin's ex-husband. Why doesn't anyone say "I am so inspired by your hard work. What can I bring to next week's potluck that you can eat?"
ReplyDeleteOh cool. I didn't know I could do nested replies!
DeleteI had forgotten about the "well this worked for so and so"!
The one that drives me nuts is "Well, don't lose too much weight..." Why? Seriously, you know me. Do you think that's even a remote possibility? You've seen me eat. Get a grip, stop blocking my mojo and pay attention to your own waistline, dearie.
ReplyDeleteAsk how much is too much. Then ask for a peer reviewed article backing up the assertion. Then laugh at them.
DeleteBwahahahahahaha...I have to say I laughed out loud at your answer to eating like a king in the morning, etc. As for the first one, my answer would be, "yeah...and I can celebrate WITHOUT food thankyouverymuch!"
ReplyDeleteI can?!? :^) Actually, this is a hard one for me to overcome, but I've had some success in the last year or so.
DeleteI, too, laughed when I read the response to "Eat like a king in the morning," especially because I'd never heard the original Wise Saying to begin with.
ReplyDeleteKevin, I have a story that goes along with "Are you sure you want to eat that?" Years ago, my grandma went to a dinner party of some sort where there was a delectable chocolate at each place setting. She ate hers, and then noticed further down at the table there was a man who wasn't eating his. She went over to him, and pointed at the chocolate. "Are you going to have that?" she asked. He said no. She asked, "Do you mind if I have it? I have to be quiet about it so my husband won't see." He looked at her a little oddly, but said it was fine. So, my grandma reached over, put the chocolate in her mouth-- and discovered it was NOT A CHOCOLATE. It was a used tea-bag! Now, there is an example of where "Are you sure you want to eat that?" would have come in handy.
A couple of years ago, I made the mistake of telling someone (under pressure) what my weight goal was. The response: "That much? You should lose [10 lbs less]. Anyway, it's better for overall health to weigh too little than to weigh too much."
Ppppphhhhhhhht, as Bill the Cat would say.
That is a great story! Thanks for sharing it, S&S.
DeleteAs for the latter (and the whole post for that matter), what is it about people that they want to offer unsolicited advice? I think I'm going to start asking "says who?" in the future. Better to weigh too little than to weigh too much? Says who? Auuugghhhhh!