I've been ill for a week now and I'm tired of it. It's moved on to my chest and I feel like a truck hit me. Good news is that I've lost about a pound a half this week. The bad news is that is probably water loss.I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I've not walked or biked all week as I don't find coughing up a lung productive. I am, however, itching to get back at it which I take as a sign that the changes continue to happen.
Now to the proverbial meat and potatoes of my post.
Two days ago I accompanied my wife to the hospital for some day surgery. While she was recovering, I popped up to the "medically supervised rapid weight loss" program on the third floor. It had been a year since I've seen anyone up there and I just wanted to say hi. It seems that only three staff members remain from a year ago, and one of them was off that day.
Anyway, the director of the program came out to meet me and offered me a carrot on a stick. Once you're in the program, you're in for life (or so long as the program is funded by the hospital). I had stopped because it was too expensive once my wife lost her job. Now the director has offered that I come back, purchase the supplements but not attend the classes (I've been through them 3 times over) and have a check up every 3 months or so instead of every month.
The supplements represent $3.50 a meal, which is reasonable by any restaurant standard. It's certainly cheaper than the McDonald's #2 with a large diet coke (ha ha). So my wife and I are considering it. Part of me hesitates and I'm not exactly sure why. I did 2 years on those shakes and I lost a lot of weight. I know how the program works. I also know how to cheat the program (it isn't hard, you just eat what you want). I miss the weekly accountability, though this time around that will be less so since I'm not checking in for class.
But I like how things are now. I can go out for lunch with a friend if I want; I don't have to make them brown bag it in my office while I make a shake. I eat what my family eats most of the time, though I try to be careful with the portion size. Food is less important now, but having two shakes a day brings attention to what is missing.
Oh dear. Decisions.
Like I said, I know the program. I know I can succeed on it. I've worked out some of my emotional connections with food that I was unaware of the first time around. And my wife is encouraging me to start again. And my son. And my daughters.
Why am I resisting?
Seriously. That isn't rhetorical. This program works. This program is what I've been half assed replicating with protein shakes from the grocery store (under a doctor's advice I quickly add). This program is a path to part of what I want. It isn't an easy path. It isn't a cure all. I know the work I'll have to put into it. I should want to jump at the chance to get back in. Most of all, the program is monitored by a nurse practitioner that I trust.
Is it fear of failing?
Is it resistance to changing how things are now?
Is it the money?
I have the weekend to think about it. Seriously, insight, personal experiences or encouragement to go one way the other will be appreciated. The decision will still be mine, in the end. But right now I can't make sense of it; get a handle on it.
I guess my questions are these: are you doing it out of desperation? if you do it, can you do it for the rest of your life? if you don't or can't do it for the rest of your life, do you trust yourself to maintain your weight loss without it?
ReplyDeleteThose are great questions, Karen.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel desperate. In fact, what I feel is hopeful which is why my hesitation is so weird.
And the supplements won't last the rest of my life. Once I hit my goal weight, I'd transition in to maintenance and work one on one with a nutritionist. At least that's what happens with the straight up program. Doing it on the cheap might be different and I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
Which brings us to trust. I don't have a clear cut answer to that one. The program has an education component which has some real meat to it. It's designed to give me the skills to go out on my own when I'm done. And I did learn a lot, especially in nutrition, intuitive eating and exercise. What was missing was a deeper look at the emotional aspects of food, a task I've worked on by myself with help from a therapist. But do I trust myself to maintain? No, but I trust myself to keep growing towards the day I do.
The thing I DON'T like about shakes is because you won't be eating like this the rest of your life. And if like me, you are a food addict...learning to deal with food is key to success. I have no idea if you are though. It's up to you. We are all different. And as such we each have to take our own path. Look inside yourself and make sure...a hesitancy on your part is not weird if it's trying to tell you something.
ReplyDeleteThanks Christine. I'm not afraid of the shakes as I understand and believe in the follow through this particular program has in transition to maintenance. I honestly don't know if my relationship with food is an addiction or an unhealthy emotional bonding. And are those two things really different? I do know the growth I've had in identifying my emotional bonds and working through them, and the hardest part was admitting they were there.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I did have a revelation last evening. The director came out with the hard sell in bringing me back into the program. I don't respond well to the hard sell, though I'm not always aware that is the reason for my uncomfortable feelings. The director is passionate about what she does. She is intense. And a tad bit woo woo. That might be enough for some to be wary of the program altogether. However, as I kept saying above, I know the program works for me. Shying away from the program because of the director's hard sell might be cutting off my nose to spite my face.
Setting aside the director's manner, and looking inside myself, this is a path I trust. If the budget continues to support it, I'll start again.
Thank you both for your thoughts.
I'm with Christine and Karen on this. My thing with pre-prepped food or meals (I didn't do supplements, per se, but I did do NutriSystem back at the beginning of this whole process) is that they're just not intended to be sustainable, and for me I've found that I need to act as I plan to go on, even after I hit goal. That said, my process is not yours.
ReplyDeleteUltimately it's just up to you. But you knew that :) Best of wishes regardless!!
Whatever you choose, brother...I am with you. I am envious of those who start a blog, buy a bike, do C25K and just fix it, forever. Some people just seem to get there.
ReplyDeleteYou and I don't. I thought cycling (alone) would get me there, but it didn't. I thought nutrition alone would get me there (that worked pretty well). Running? Same thing.
Nutrisystem worked for a friend of mine 25 years ago and he has been thin ever since. A hospital program could be a good help for you. Think it through, talk with the fam and make your choice. You know what is best for you.