Muffins are not smiles

I was sitting in my in-laws' hotel room on a two day road trip to distant parts of North Dakota and having some breakfast.  My MIL's rhubarb muffins to be exact.  And while I was eating, a thought flashed through my brain.  I didn't pay much attention to it.  In fact, it barely registered--until I was going on my third muffin and second glass of milk: "Rhubarb muffins taste like smiles."

Muffins taste like smiles?  What?

It was a grok kind of moment.  That muffin wasn't just breakfast.  It was an emotion.  A happy emotion.  And I wanted more happiness.

A few weeks ago I posted a rather depressing reflection on whether or not I wanted to do this anymore.  It was good to get those words out.  Even more so was listing the emotional connections I have to food.  I had never really put it all together like that before and it was insightful to see a litany of different ways I equate foods with emotions and memories.  Those words stayed with me throughout the rest of my trip to NoDak and I'm glad to report that, upon returning home, I stepped on the scales to learn I had gained a mere pound (woo hoo!).

I do want to do the work.  But if I'm equating muffins with smiles, I think I got a longer haul to make than I ever thought.  I am so glad that I was in a state of mind to catch that stray thought and examine it.  It was easy to forgo more muffins when I realized I was making an unhealthy association.  But I wonder how often those stray thoughts go through my mind and I'm not mindful.

Since then, I'm trying to approach each meal with a reminder that it is nourishment first.  It doesn't mean food can't be enjoyed or pleasurable, but it does mean I try not to equate emotions with food.  Food isn't happiness-happiness is happiness.  Food isn't comfort-comfort is comfort.  Foods aren't memories--memories are memories.

It sounds so simple.  I'm even a bit embarrassed to publish this.  But this is revolutionary for me.

And just how do muffins become smiles?  I could not figure out why such an association would exist.  I'm not a big fan of rhubarb.  And we didn't have much of it growing up.  Rhubarb muffins certainly were not a staple in youth. But...  my MIL's muffins had a particularly lemony flavor.  And lemon bars figured large in my childhood.  It was a treat mom would make for us.  It was brought out for special occasions and special visitors.  And lemon pie is my dad's favorite pie.  And lemonade made with real cane sugar and lemon juice was a particular summertime treat when I was a boy.  And...  And..  And... and the relationships kept coming.  The muffins were smiles because I have many happy memories associated with lemon flavored treats.

So, I have to ask, am I losing it?  Am I the only one out there who's mind works this way?  Do you ever find yourself making similar connections or catching similar freak thoughts?

Muffins are not smiles.  Smiles are smiles.

Muffins are muffins.