This photo was taken after dropping 60 pounds in my "rapid weight loss" program at the hospital. I went on to drop another 15 pounds before life intervened.
Last Saturday, I did something that rocked my world. I replaced the batteries in our scales. I learned that I had gained 15 pounds over my starting point for the "rapid weight loss" program.
I had to use all of my newly acquired skills to stop from falling into a shame cycle. I had to live in that moment and accept that I am at this point in my life a large man again. The past is gone, the future is yet to be. All I have, all we have, is the right here, right now.
I focused on the memory of this photo. And I thought the words "this is what I want, this is who I am." Positive phrases. Not "this is who I hope to be" or "who I will be". And this mantra got me through the urges to shame and blame.
It's going on my desktop and a print out is going on my bathroom mirror.
What self affirming words can you give to yourself to make it through the inevitable low blows that will come?
For those who really want to see before pictures, here's a public link to my FB album. I'm not going to post them on The Jogging Clydesdale as I'm trying to keep it positive over here.
ReplyDeletehttp://on.fb.me/gSOtcW
I'm sorry for the surprise you got on the scale. That is too bad, but I admire you for not falling into despair and giving up for the day.
ReplyDeleteWhat words do I use? I really should grab a mantra, but I guess it would be as simple as "keep moving". I can't as easily control my appetite or speed or distance, etc., but I can just keep moving and hope that all else kicks in.
Thanks BC. "Keep moving" is a good mantra too. I can see using it myself.
ReplyDeleteI am just thrilled beyond words to read this post because it means that you are taking care of what needs to be taken care of in your head so that you can, in turn, take care of what needs to be taken care of with your body. I promise you this Mr. Handsome Man, the fact that you are not in a place of self-hate and loathing is more powerful than any fad diet or weight loss pill. Now...just be patient okay? And keep practicing the self-love.
ReplyDeleteI still chant the words, "Strong, Brave, Smart, Beautiful," to myself when I need to get my self-esteem moving on the treadmill or where-ever else. I used to have "Thin" in there too, but then I didn't like the message I was sending to myself.
ReplyDeleteA couple of weeks ago, my daughter told me that she was the slowest runner in her class. I told her, "You don't worry about that. You show up, put in your time, and you will become stronger." I said that when I was her age and older, running was so much a part of gym, and therefore I didn't think I was good at exercise. She assured me that I was VERY good at exercise. That gave me encouragement-- it's my hope that modeling exercise will help her maintain it in her life when she's off on her own.
You are doing that for your kids, too. I hope that they will someday appreciate that.
@Karen I have to be patient too? ;^)
ReplyDelete@S&S Actually, I'd have to say that my kids modeled it for me. I had no interest in running until my son started running for cross country. I thought it was, perhaps, something he and I could do together (it was the summer before 7th grade). I was wrong. There was no way I could keep up. But I found I liked it well enough to keep going.