Out damned thought!

Last night's run was rather uneventful.  Just a 2 mile romp through suburbia with Mrs. Clydesdale.  The only thing to mention would be to touch again on the power of negative self talk. My wife is most certainly in better health than me and has barrels full of athletic abilities that my genes simply have not.  So, when it's time to run, she out paces me.  And she asked last night if that makes me feel bad.  I had a difficult time explaining it,  and perhaps I can do so here.

Yes, it kinda did.  But it isn't the fact that she out paces me, it's that I can't keep up.  I don't think I could get across to her that my thoughts were on my own self-perception, not on her superior abilities.  My thoughts were about my inadequacies, but it wasn't based on a need to compete or compare to my wife.  And I admit I had about a half minute of real doubt if I should really be out there, pounding away on my knees and ankles when I am so heavy.  But the point I'm trying to make is that my wife does not make me feel bad.  Me makes me feel bad.

On the third run interval, I stepped up and actually kept pace with her, but my body could not keep it going for the three remaining intervals.  I take no small amount of satisfaction, though, that I did it, if only to prove my self doubt wrong.

This negative self talk has got to stop.  Yes, I need to push myself, but I also need to accept that I am where I am at that moment in time.  There is no "should" in running.  There is no pace or endurance I "should" be at.  There is only running and achieving the best I can do in the particular moment in time.

Finally, for my dear wife: You are my inspiration.  You push me to go the places I need to go, not because I compete with you, but because we hold each other up.